ANYWHERE BUT HERE

Japanese culture is consumed by details. From the intricate Japanese tea ceremony to the meticulous art of bowing, it seems that the Japanese revel in minutiae. Bozai, martial arts, flower arranging, even sushi preparation are all done to painstaking perfection down to the last detail. Respect for your surroundings is a key element of Japanese culture, as is respect for those you come into contact with. The Japanese have no less than 35 separate and distinct honorific ways of addressing someone in their language, depending on their age, social status, profession, and relationship. It is almost impossible to have a conversation in Japanese without knowing whom you are speaking to, what their profession is, and their age. (This is actually the explanation behind the sometimes wearisome exchange of business cards that occurs upon meeting someone in Japan. It is considered extraordinarily rude not to completely read the card before placing it in your wallet). Ultimate attention to detail has come to define the Japanese, and it is sure that nothing is overlooked… not even the toilet.

A Japanese toilet is truly the epitome of technology bettering lives. Imagine the toilet of your dreams, and then add in a few features you've never even imagined. Consider then that the average person spends ONE YEAR of their lives 'indisposed', and then wonder why your toilet doesn't have a heated toilet seat… and that's just the beginning.

A STANDARD Japanese toilet has a heated seat, "front" and "back" washes which can be adjusted to different pressures, several different flushing pressures (based on what you need while increasing water efficiency), a sink on top which runs clean water to wash your hands which is then filtered into the toilet for use in flushing (also to conserve water), and an emergency button that sounds an alarm and brings attendants if necessary.

There is also another button which just makes a flushing sound. Apparently, the Japanese, in the interest of modesty, were repeatedly flushing the toilet in order to disguise 'indelicate' sounds. This has become somewhat outdated as of late, however, and is being replaced with the more popular (and entertaining) musical toilet dispenser.

As if this weren't enough, the Japanese toilet manufacturer TOTO recently announced their innovation to the commode; in addition to the usual amenities, their new toilet will feature an SD slot and MP3 player. When the urge strikes, simply slip a memory card into the slot and you can party as you pee. 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' comes to mind as a popular choice.

The TOTO toilet also has an automatic lower/lifting mechanism that actually detects (somehow!!) whether you prefer the seat up or down as you're approaching. There is also a nightlight to prevent those late night aiming faux pas. In addition, in case you or a guest are caught without your memory card at a critical moment, TOTO has programmed certain musical selections into the toilet to help protect your privacy. FYI, the toilets retail in Tokyo now from ¥55,333 ($467) to ¥87,333 ($737), depending on model.

If you are a Westerner whose bathrooms sounds shock and astound you, there is a cheap contraption called Toilet Tunes that could bring you up to par with the poshest Japanese loos. Toilet Tunes is installed easily under the lid of your standard unadorned Western toilet seat. A separate musical device can be placed anywhere in the bathroom. A sensor is activated when the lid is lifted, and plays any of six musical selections including rain, waves, jazz, latin, modern and (appropriately) stream. It runs on AAA batteries, and will set you back the modest price of $29.98. It's available at select Bed, Bath, and Beyond stores, or online at www.gettoilettunes.com.

Thus proving, if we all had heated toilet seats, we'd be more productive workers.

We all know how proud the Dutch are of their height. Just barely pushing 5'0 tall, I spent a great deal of my time in the Netherlands looking up! Average to tall people probably wouldn't notice all the accomedations the Dutch have made for their taller than average population. Water fountains (when you can find them, which isn't often) are higher, and I've heard from male friends that urinals are set higher. In stores, clothing displays are set higher and groceries are stocked higher. In homes, pictures are hung higher on walls than is typical in the US, and cabinets are higher. I spent two years climbing up on my kitchen counters every time I wanted something from a cupboard! So, it's no real wonder that the Dutch like their buildings tall as well...

Groningen is a lovely city in the North of the Netherlands. The centerpiece of the downtown area is the Martini Tower. It stands 127 meters above the city center, and is a popular tourist attraction and navigation point for visitors and residents, and naturally, it has become the pride and joy of the area. The tower was constructed in the 15th century, and the designers had typical Dutch ambition... it was to be the tallest tower in the Netherlands.

Rather cockily, or so the story goes, Groningeners began assessing other towers in the Netherlands to see who the competition was. It turned out, the tower to beat was in Utrect. The Groningeners snuck into Utrect and measured the height of their tower by lowering a rope off the highest point and cutting it off at the bottom. Eagerly, Groningen began construction on the Martini Tower. It was, and still is, a VERY beautiful and impressive structure... sadly though, NOT the tallest very beautiful and impressive structure.

Apparently, Utrect, upon learning of Groningen's rather sneaky trick to one up them came up with an equally sneaky topper. In the middle of the night, Utrect sent some men into Groningen to simply cut a few feet off the rope used to measure the height of the Utrect tower. So, when Groningen touted, "We have the tallest tower", Utrect replied, "Check again."

Thus proving that if you want to build the highest tower in the Netherlands, you have to budget something for security.

The Chinese have a reputation for being VERY superstitious. Dragons and red are considered auspicious (in fact, colors are so powerful that the Chinese will not let anyone visiting Mao Tze Dong's tomb to wear red or orange because they signify happiness and joy). Doors or roofs of a Chinese house or business will often be red for luck and prosperity, and corpses are never to be dressed in red when buried, as this will cause them to become a ghost.

Sometimes, it can be argued that these superstitions can be taken to what some may consider 'extreme' measures. If a murder is committed in an apartment building, property value plummets almost instantly and residents may even move out for fear of evil spirits. In Macao, a bridge was actually torn down and reconstructed almost entirely in order to make it more 'fung shui'.

One of the many superstitions that the Chinese observe upon the death of a loved one is less dramatic, but none the less intriguing. When the person passes away, they are washed and dresses and laid out in the home. If they've died at home, they are laid out the main room. If they died outside the home, then they are laid out in the courtyard. It is believed that the souls of the dead face many obstacles and even torments and torture (for the sins they have committed in life) before they are allowed to take their place in the afterlife: prayers, chanting and rituals offered by the monks help to smooth the passage of the deceased's soul into heaven. These prayers are accompanied by music played on the gong, flute and trumpet. Chinese funerals can last for days upon end, depending on the wealth of the family. In the courtyard, there is almost always gambling going on. Outsiders may assume that the Chinese believe their dead relatives bring them luck, but this isn't why they do. The family is required to have guards posted outside the door of the home for the duration of the funeral services. The gambling is to help keep the guards awake.

Inside, incense are burned and candles are lit at a small alter at the person's feet. A photograph of the person is also present, and all mirrors and statues of deities are covered in red paper. If a person sees a coffin in the background of their reflection, their family will be the next to have a death. Food is placed as an offering to the dead person. Here's the interesting part: there is fake money burning constantly as offering for the deceased to take with them into the afterlife. This money is, naturally, for the loved one to start their new 'afterlife' in style. How this ties in to reincarnation, I'm not sure.

Once a year the family goes to the cemetery and burns more fake money to keep the 'bank account' of their departed in the black.

Thus proving, if Heaven has houses, the Chinese are going to have the nicest ones.

Practically anywhere you go in the Middle East has some sort of biblical history tied to it. One particularly hot Jordanian day, I was dragged begrudgingly up the rather harsh looking Mount Nebo to see ANOTHER church. I grumbled all the way up, having forgotten my water bottle and being almost sure that there was not going to be a convenience store once we reached the summit. Once we reached the top, I was rewarded with what appeared to be a rather tiny ruined church. I took my obligatory 10 minutes to admire the floor mosaics, and then went about the truly important business of finding the nearest vendor selling water. After asking around, I discovered that the only water available was from a well in the church courtyard. And, it was community well. And there was only one ladle. And people were already drinking out of it. Hot and bothered, I plopped down in the dirt near an olive tree and settled in to pout until my group was done "enjoying" the site.

Bored, I began thumbing through the information pamphlet that I had stuffed in my camera bag. I was sitting on one of the only points in Jordan where you see a panorama of the Holy Land and the River Jordan. The West Bank city of Jericho is usually visible from the summit, as is Jerusalem on a very clear day. The 'tiny ruined church' was first constructed in the second half of the 4th century to commemorate the place of Moses' death. Many people thought that God buried Moses under one of the six tombs carved into the earth underneath the church.

The olive tree I was sitting near was planted as a symbol of Peace in 2000 by Pope John Paul II when he visited the site during his pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

Needless to say, I was humbled. Since then, I have an immediate and ultimate respect for all tourists attractions I'm dragged miles in hundred dregee temperatures to see.

Some attractions, however, are intriguing right off the bat. While driving to the Dead Sea, my father casually mentioned that Lot's wife was somewhere in the surronding hills that form the backdrop for the Dead Sea and the border between Jordan and Israel. "Her tomb?" I said, for the most part uninterested. "No, her." he said.

I had always found the story of Lot fascinating! I thought just seeing the Dead Sea (which many believe are the final resting places of Sodom and Gomorrah) would be interesting. But, suddenly, I really really wanted to see Lot's wife (or the pillar of salt that they claim is her). It was for some reason highly important to me that I see for myself what a 2,000 year old pillar of salt that used to be a disobedient woman looks like.

I get an image of a ghostly white rather beautiful woman, with a pained expression touching her perfectly preserved features as she looks back over her shoulder while extending one delicate hand behind her. The other hand would be pressed to her heart as the smooth layers of gauzy traveling clothes envelop one another in mute testimony to the timelessness of the Alimghty.

I cannot say for sure that the powerful image described is anywhere near accurate, because it seems Lot's wife is as obstinate in death as in life, and I was unable to locate the actual site. There was some debate as to whether she is in currently in Israel or Jordan. I have looked it up on the internet, and have been informed that she is claimed by the Jordanian, and listed as one of the tourist attractions when visiting the Dead Sea (along with the tomb where Lot and his daughters took refuge as God destroyed the unpious). After a good half hour on Google, the best directions I got were, "Off the highway leading to the Dead Sea". Apparantly, I'm the only one really TRULY interested in seeing Lot's wife.

Thus proving, no one likes a disobedient woman... except another disobedient woman!

I mentioned in an earlier blog how proud the Dutch are of their 'tall' reputation. However, there are a couple of cases where they are very proud of things from their country that are very SMALL. The first is the miniature city of Madurodam . A tourist attraction just outside of the Hague, Madurodam is a miniature village that contains everything quintessentially Netherlands. There's lots of little perfectly modeled buildings, tiny people, windmills and more. Almost every Dutch landmark building has been reproduced on a miniature scale... they even have Schiphol airport.

The other is the 'dubbelje' (double-cha), the Dutch equivalent of a dime. Unfortunately, since the euro, the dubbelje is no longer in circulation, but until that time, it held the honor of being the most diminuative coin in the world.

The Dutch can also lay claim to Phillips, one of the most successful electronics companies in the world, and the composer Ludwig van Beethoven. You heard me (pun intended), Beethoven was actually of Belgian/Dutch ancestry. The 'van' is Dutch, whereas German would be 'von'. Beethoven was born in Bonn, Germany, but the Dutch choose to honor him as one of their own.

The Phillips company created the CD and the DVD and they were 'creative' in more ways than one in doing so. When designing the CD, there was a debate over the size, so one of the engineers reached into his poacket and took out a 'dubbelje'. Inspiration struck, and now a dubbelje coin fits to the millimeter into the center of any CD or DVD. Also, a standard CD is 72 minutes long, precisely the length of Beethoven's 9th Symphony.

Thus proving, there is a small out of circulation Dutch coin out there somewhere in the world that you can stick into the middle of a CD, and after that you can listen to Beethoven's 9th Symphony in it's entirety.