ANYWHERE BUT HERE

JAPANESE SUPER HAPPY RAINBOW TOILET

2008-03-01T18:44:12Z

Japanese culture is consumed by details. From the intricate Japanese tea ceremony to the meticulous art of bowing, it seems that the Japanese revel in minutiae. Bozai, martial arts, flower arranging, even sushi preparation are all done to painstaking perfection down to the last detail. Respect for your surroundings is a key element of Japanese culture, as is respect for those you come into contact with. The Japanese have no less than 35 separate and distinct honorific ways of addressing someone in their language, depending on their age, social status, profession, and relationship. It is almost impossible to have a conversation in Japanese without knowing whom you are speaking to, what their profession is, and their age. (This is actually the explanation behind the sometimes wearisome exchange of business cards that occurs upon meeting someone in Japan. It is considered extraordinarily rude not to completely read the card before placing it in your wallet). Ultimate attention to detail has come to define the Japanese, and it is sure that nothing is overlooked… not even the toilet.

A Japanese toilet is truly the epitome of technology bettering lives. Imagine the toilet of your dreams, and then add in a few features you've never even imagined. Consider then that the average person spends ONE YEAR of their lives 'indisposed', and then wonder why your toilet doesn't have a heated toilet seat… and that's just the beginning.

A STANDARD Japanese toilet has a heated seat, "front" and "back" washes which can be adjusted to different pressures, several different flushing pressures (based on what you need while increasing water efficiency), a sink on top which runs clean water to wash your hands which is then filtered into the toilet for use in flushing (also to conserve water), and an emergency button that sounds an alarm and brings attendants if necessary.

There is also another button which just makes a flushing sound. Apparently, the Japanese, in the interest of modesty, were repeatedly flushing the toilet in order to disguise 'indelicate' sounds. This has become somewhat outdated as of late, however, and is being replaced with the more popular (and entertaining) musical toilet dispenser.

As if this weren't enough, the Japanese toilet manufacturer TOTO recently announced their innovation to the commode; in addition to the usual amenities, their new toilet will feature an SD slot and MP3 player. When the urge strikes, simply slip a memory card into the slot and you can party as you pee. 'Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head' comes to mind as a popular choice.

The TOTO toilet also has an automatic lower/lifting mechanism that actually detects (somehow!!) whether you prefer the seat up or down as you're approaching. There is also a nightlight to prevent those late night aiming faux pas. In addition, in case you or a guest are caught without your memory card at a critical moment, TOTO has programmed certain musical selections into the toilet to help protect your privacy. FYI, the toilets retail in Tokyo now from ¥55,333 ($467) to ¥87,333 ($737), depending on model.

If you are a Westerner whose bathrooms sounds shock and astound you, there is a cheap contraption called Toilet Tunes that could bring you up to par with the poshest Japanese loos. Toilet Tunes is installed easily under the lid of your standard unadorned Western toilet seat. A separate musical device can be placed anywhere in the bathroom. A sensor is activated when the lid is lifted, and plays any of six musical selections including rain, waves, jazz, latin, modern and (appropriately) stream. It runs on AAA batteries, and will set you back the modest price of $29.98. It's available at select Bed, Bath, and Beyond stores, or online at www.gettoilettunes.com.

Thus proving, if we all had heated toilet seats, we'd be more productive workers.

JAPANESE SUPER HAPPY RAINBOW TOILET remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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GRONINGEN VS UTRECHT

2008-02-27T03:46:32Z

We all know how proud the Dutch are of their height. Just barely pushing 5'0 tall, I spent a great deal of my time in the Netherlands looking up! Average to tall people probably wouldn't notice all the accomedations the Dutch have made for their taller than average population. Water fountains (when you can find them, which isn't often) are higher, and I've heard from male friends that urinals are set higher. In stores, clothing displays are set higher and groceries are stocked higher. In homes, pictures are hung higher on walls than is typical in the US, and cabinets are higher. I spent two years climbing up on my kitchen counters every time I wanted something from a cupboard! So, it's no real wonder that the Dutch like their buildings tall as well...

Groningen is a lovely city in the North of the Netherlands. The centerpiece of the downtown area is the Martini Tower. It stands 127 meters above the city center, and is a popular tourist attraction and navigation point for visitors and residents, and naturally, it has become the pride and joy of the area. The tower was constructed in the 15th century, and the designers had typical Dutch ambition... it was to be the tallest tower in the Netherlands.

Rather cockily, or so the story goes, Groningeners began assessing other towers in the Netherlands to see who the competition was. It turned out, the tower to beat was in Utrect. The Groningeners snuck into Utrect and measured the height of their tower by lowering a rope off the highest point and cutting it off at the bottom. Eagerly, Groningen began construction on the Martini Tower. It was, and still is, a VERY beautiful and impressive structure... sadly though, NOT the tallest very beautiful and impressive structure.

Apparently, Utrect, upon learning of Groningen's rather sneaky trick to one up them came up with an equally sneaky topper. In the middle of the night, Utrect sent some men into Groningen to simply cut a few feet off the rope used to measure the height of the Utrect tower. So, when Groningen touted, "We have the tallest tower", Utrect replied, "Check again."

Thus proving that if you want to build the highest tower in the Netherlands, you have to budget something for security.

GRONINGEN VS UTRECHT remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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CHINESE HAVE MONEY BURNING A HOLE IN THEIR POCKET!

2008-02-27T03:45:41Z

The Chinese have a reputation for being VERY superstitious. Dragons and red are considered auspicious (in fact, colors are so powerful that the Chinese will not let anyone visiting Mao Tze Dong's tomb to wear red or orange because they signify happiness and joy). Doors or roofs of a Chinese house or business will often be red for luck and prosperity, and corpses are never to be dressed in red when buried, as this will cause them to become a ghost.

Sometimes, it can be argued that these superstitions can be taken to what some may consider 'extreme' measures. If a murder is committed in an apartment building, property value plummets almost instantly and residents may even move out for fear of evil spirits. In Macao, a bridge was actually torn down and reconstructed almost entirely in order to make it more 'fung shui'.

One of the many superstitions that the Chinese observe upon the death of a loved one is less dramatic, but none the less intriguing. When the person passes away, they are washed and dresses and laid out in the home. If they've died at home, they are laid out the main room. If they died outside the home, then they are laid out in the courtyard. It is believed that the souls of the dead face many obstacles and even torments and torture (for the sins they have committed in life) before they are allowed to take their place in the afterlife: prayers, chanting and rituals offered by the monks help to smooth the passage of the deceased's soul into heaven. These prayers are accompanied by music played on the gong, flute and trumpet. Chinese funerals can last for days upon end, depending on the wealth of the family. In the courtyard, there is almost always gambling going on. Outsiders may assume that the Chinese believe their dead relatives bring them luck, but this isn't why they do. The family is required to have guards posted outside the door of the home for the duration of the funeral services. The gambling is to help keep the guards awake.

Inside, incense are burned and candles are lit at a small alter at the person's feet. A photograph of the person is also present, and all mirrors and statues of deities are covered in red paper. If a person sees a coffin in the background of their reflection, their family will be the next to have a death. Food is placed as an offering to the dead person. Here's the interesting part: there is fake money burning constantly as offering for the deceased to take with them into the afterlife. This money is, naturally, for the loved one to start their new 'afterlife' in style. How this ties in to reincarnation, I'm not sure.

Once a year the family goes to the cemetery and burns more fake money to keep the 'bank account' of their departed in the black.

Thus proving, if Heaven has houses, the Chinese are going to have the nicest ones.

CHINESE HAVE MONEY BURNING A HOLE IN THEIR POCKET! remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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LOT’S WIFE

2008-02-27T03:44:01Z

Practically anywhere you go in the Middle East has some sort of biblical history tied to it. One particularly hot Jordanian day, I was dragged begrudgingly up the rather harsh looking Mount Nebo to see ANOTHER church. I grumbled all the way up, having forgotten my water bottle and being almost sure that there was not going to be a convenience store once we reached the summit. Once we reached the top, I was rewarded with what appeared to be a rather tiny ruined church. I took my obligatory 10 minutes to admire the floor mosaics, and then went about the truly important business of finding the nearest vendor selling water. After asking around, I discovered that the only water available was from a well in the church courtyard. And, it was community well. And there was only one ladle. And people were already drinking out of it. Hot and bothered, I plopped down in the dirt near an olive tree and settled in to pout until my group was done "enjoying" the site.

Bored, I began thumbing through the information pamphlet that I had stuffed in my camera bag. I was sitting on one of the only points in Jordan where you see a panorama of the Holy Land and the River Jordan. The West Bank city of Jericho is usually visible from the summit, as is Jerusalem on a very clear day. The 'tiny ruined church' was first constructed in the second half of the 4th century to commemorate the place of Moses' death. Many people thought that God buried Moses under one of the six tombs carved into the earth underneath the church.

The olive tree I was sitting near was planted as a symbol of Peace in 2000 by Pope John Paul II when he visited the site during his pilgrimage to the Holy Land.

Needless to say, I was humbled. Since then, I have an immediate and ultimate respect for all tourists attractions I'm dragged miles in hundred dregee temperatures to see.

Some attractions, however, are intriguing right off the bat. While driving to the Dead Sea, my father casually mentioned that Lot's wife was somewhere in the surronding hills that form the backdrop for the Dead Sea and the border between Jordan and Israel. "Her tomb?" I said, for the most part uninterested. "No, her." he said.

I had always found the story of Lot fascinating! I thought just seeing the Dead Sea (which many believe are the final resting places of Sodom and Gomorrah) would be interesting. But, suddenly, I really really wanted to see Lot's wife (or the pillar of salt that they claim is her). It was for some reason highly important to me that I see for myself what a 2,000 year old pillar of salt that used to be a disobedient woman looks like.

I get an image of a ghostly white rather beautiful woman, with a pained expression touching her perfectly preserved features as she looks back over her shoulder while extending one delicate hand behind her. The other hand would be pressed to her heart as the smooth layers of gauzy traveling clothes envelop one another in mute testimony to the timelessness of the Alimghty.

I cannot say for sure that the powerful image described is anywhere near accurate, because it seems Lot's wife is as obstinate in death as in life, and I was unable to locate the actual site. There was some debate as to whether she is in currently in Israel or Jordan. I have looked it up on the internet, and have been informed that she is claimed by the Jordanian, and listed as one of the tourist attractions when visiting the Dead Sea (along with the tomb where Lot and his daughters took refuge as God destroyed the unpious). After a good half hour on Google, the best directions I got were, "Off the highway leading to the Dead Sea". Apparantly, I'm the only one really TRULY interested in seeing Lot's wife.

Thus proving, no one likes a disobedient woman... except another disobedient woman!

LOT’S WIFE remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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DUBBELJE

2008-02-27T03:43:06Z

I mentioned in an earlier blog how proud the Dutch are of their 'tall' reputation. However, there are a couple of cases where they are very proud of things from their country that are very SMALL. The first is the miniature city of Madurodam . A tourist attraction just outside of the Hague, Madurodam is a miniature village that contains everything quintessentially Netherlands. There's lots of little perfectly modeled buildings, tiny people, windmills and more. Almost every Dutch landmark building has been reproduced on a miniature scale... they even have Schiphol airport.

The other is the 'dubbelje' (double-cha), the Dutch equivalent of a dime. Unfortunately, since the euro, the dubbelje is no longer in circulation, but until that time, it held the honor of being the most diminuative coin in the world.

The Dutch can also lay claim to Phillips, one of the most successful electronics companies in the world, and the composer Ludwig van Beethoven. You heard me (pun intended), Beethoven was actually of Belgian/Dutch ancestry. The 'van' is Dutch, whereas German would be 'von'. Beethoven was born in Bonn, Germany, but the Dutch choose to honor him as one of their own.

The Phillips company created the CD and the DVD and they were 'creative' in more ways than one in doing so. When designing the CD, there was a debate over the size, so one of the engineers reached into his poacket and took out a 'dubbelje'. Inspiration struck, and now a dubbelje coin fits to the millimeter into the center of any CD or DVD. Also, a standard CD is 72 minutes long, precisely the length of Beethoven's 9th Symphony.

Thus proving, there is a small out of circulation Dutch coin out there somewhere in the world that you can stick into the middle of a CD, and after that you can listen to Beethoven's 9th Symphony in it's entirety.

DUBBELJE remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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THE ROAD TO SIEM RIEP

2008-02-27T03:42:30Z

Angkor Wat is the pride and joy of Cambodia, but is probably one of the lesser known wonders of the world. Built first in the 1100's as a Hindu temple, Angkor Wat remained essentially unknown to the Western world until the late 19th century. It fairly recently gained notority by being the location where Lara Croft: Tomb Raider was filmed. Angelina Jolie; that's right, people... she's everywhere you want to be.

Personally, I have my own theories about WHY this place remained a mysetery to the West for so long. Basically, I believe that anyone who attempted to get there chose to block the whole experience out of their permanent memory forever! Angkor Wat is located in the second largest city in Cambodia, Siem Riep. You may have noted that this blog is titled, "THE road to Siem Riep". There is only one road into the city, and as writer I am using the word 'road' in it's loosest possible sense.

Just across the Thai/Cambodian border there are fleets of personal driver's whose mission it is to take tourists down this road and into the city of Siem Riep. These brave men, these noble heroes, these modest paladins deliever passengers twice a day to Cambodia's main tourist attraction for the nominal fee of $30 each way. For an extra $5 they will cease and disist continuously repeating the ONE cassette of Cambodian music they play relentlessly without mercy.

Without benefit of SUV, tourists set off from the border in aging sedans for the 'about six hour' drive to Siem Riep. The fact that the city is 180 miles away should give some testimony as to the condition of the road. Unpaved, unlit, and totally without marking of any kind it is essentially just a well worn path through the Cambodian countryside.

Defying verbal description, potholes the size of landfills swallow whole cars and spit them back out. The bouncing up and down gives the impression of being on the world's bumpiest roller coaster. At 5'0, and the shortest in the car, even I hit my head on the roof several times. I had bruises on my arms from banging into the door handle!

We set off on the trip at 5 in the evening, and within the hour our adventurous spirit had been quelled. Battered, nautious and thristy the Cambodian countryside at least partially gave reprieve from our predicament. The most interesting thing I noticed were tiny wooden stands with what looked like shelves of old time pop bottles in various colors lined up along the side of the road. What was in them? We asked our driver and the answer was obvious... the most valubale commodity one can have on the side of a road in the middle of the countryside. Petrol!

Our driver had to stop twice on the way there to change tires (and on the way back we had to actually switch cars after a particularly nasty pothole. All this remained blase to our driver, who simply stopped the next car and piled our bags in.) The evening, and the music droned on and on. As night fell, the only light came from the headlights of our car. In what I can only describe as 'eerie', every so often the lights would catch a shadowy figure dressed in white walking along the road slowly. These were commuters, walking from one village to another. They chose the night to avoid the heat and the white clothes acted as reflectors for the drivers.

At 1am we made it to Siem Riep, and although poverty in Cambodia is an understatement, Siem Riep has hotels to rival Las Vegas. Lavish, gorgeous, spacious hotels have been built by the French, Dutch, and Swiss to accomedate Cambodia's livlihood, Western tourists. They haven't quite got it though, because Cambodia is the only country I've ever been in that does not even have one McDonald's. I saw the hotel that Angeliena Jolie and her crew stayed in while they were filming. Their rooms went for upwards of $2,000 a night. With all the extravagance, one can't help but wonder why some of the money didn't go towards making the trip TO the fantastic hotels a little more comfortable...

There are actually two ways that tourists can visit Angora Wat. You can hire a car, as we did, and drive. Or, you can fly from Bangkok directly into Siem Riep once a day. Bangkok Airways has the exclusive rights to fly into Cambodia, and for this they charge $120 per person. In order to keep business up, and dissuade tourists from the cheaper (if not more interesting) alternative, Bangkok Airways actually PAYS the Cambodian government NOT to fix the road. Their hopes, I assume, are to first: to punish those who choose not to fly with them, and second: to have the word spread that the experience is so horrific, it's better to shell out the money.

I have to sum up by saying, I would not trade that car trip for anything. I have experienced something that only other people who have done it can possibly understand. Descriptions are impossible, and the experience cannot be relived vicariously. It is a memory that epitomizes the joy of travel, and one I will cherish. PLEASE, anyone going to Angkor Wat, take the car!

Thus proving, Angelina Jolie has a private plane, but she's probably pretty boring to talk to.

THE ROAD TO SIEM RIEP remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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THE ARCHE DE TRIUMPHE: FRANCE'S VERSION OF NATURAL SELECTION

2008-02-27T03:41:45Z

Ahh, Paris... the Palace of Versailles, the Louvre, the Champs Elyssee... every year, tourists spend BILLIONS to be emmersed in French culture. Bands of smiling tourists arrive in this magnificent city hoping for a dose of refined culture and a few precious moments drinking in the ethereal magificence of the Mona Lisa. Yes, every tourist arrives in Paris, beret on head and crossaint in hand expecting to be greeted as if they were arriving at a long awaited tryst in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower. It's rather disillusioning once we step off the plane to realize that we are source of constant annoyance to the good people of Paris. This isn't merely an opinion based on ill treatment I've experienced, several years ago, there was an actual decree from Jacque Chirac essentially ordering the Parisian population to be nicer to tourists and asking them to smile more. Within a short amount of time, it becomes apparant that tourists are tolerated, but not welcome. And nowhere is this fact more apparant at the Arche De Triumphe. A stunning testament to freedom, and a monumental piece of architecture, the Arche De Triumphe sits at the end of the famous Avenue de Champs Elysse ringed by what is possibly the most hazardous six lane roundabout in existence.

Parisian traffic is some of the most perilous in the world. It is commonplace for cars to tap bumpers and send parked cars bouncing off one another in order to fit into the rare free parking spot. Motorcycles whiz down sidewalks like rampaging bumblebees zooming in and out of stalled traffic and up and over curbs. At any time, day or night, there are 20,000 more cars than parking spots in the city of Paris. And when those 20,000 cars cannot find a place to park, apparantly they just drive in circles around the Arche De Triumphe at breakneck speeds!

At the end of the Champs Elysse, there is always a huge crowd of tourists standing somewhat belwildered trying to figure out exactly how to cross to the Arche De Triumphe. It's France's version of natural selection, weeding out those who cannot figure out the secret. It's more than obvious that trying to cross the road with the traffic would be impossible. After a few moments in contemplation, most decide that there must be a way, and then they begin to look around and eventually discover that there is in fact an unobvious underground passage leading UNDER the roundabout and coming up in the center of the Arche. I'll admit here that I did cheat, and the first time asked a gendarme how to get across.

A family friend from the US was not so patient. Suffering from what can only be severe ADD or momentary insanity, after a quick look around he darted into the traffic and proving his right to occupy space on the planet, he made it across! I am pretty sure that this is actually illegal, and I'm also pretty sure there are enough signs around that this would NOT be an entirely normal thing to do.

Thus proving, France is trying to thin the herd! BEWARE!

THE ARCHE DE TRIUMPHE: FRANCE'S VERSION OF NATURAL SELECTION remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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1492: COLUMBUS SAILS THE OCEAN BLUE

2008-02-27T03:41:06Z

When you think European 'cuisine', you don't immediately think Spain. But, actually, Spain has some of the most delicious food in the continent. It has a strong mediterranean influence, with lots of olive oil and garlic, but there is a distinct mix of ingedients such as sweet peppers and sea ripened grapes that give Spanish food it's uniquely distinct flavor.

The history of Spanish cuisine began with Phoenician, Greek, and Carthaginian coastal settlements. Later, the Romans, and more importantly the Muslims, brought with them elements of their own cooking (such as honey and cumin), which lingered and blended with Spain's culinary heritage. Seafood has always been a major component of the Spanish diet, as one may guess... but a more recent staple is present in almost every Spanish dish because of a long standing hatred dating back to the 6th century.

Much of the Iberian Peninsula was dominated by Moors (another word for Muslims) following their invasion of the peninsula in 711. As in most cases, this was not a welcome invasion, and some nasty history went on for the next few centuries, including the Spanish Inquisition. In 1492, Columbus was off to spice up the Spanish kitchen, and the Muslims were finally expelled... I'm sure that the Spanish had no idea just how influiencial one year could be on a country's culinary ambitions.

The present role of the olive in Spain only began after the Muslims had been expelled, dispersed or converted, and the great expansion of the olive industry in the seventeenth century was uninhibited by confessional hatred. Many traditional dishes still use no olive oil. The classic cocidos and fabadas (slow-cooked pot-dishes of chick-peas and beans) are bound together with silky pork fat instead. One of Spain's main delicacies is, jamon serrano, which means "mountain" ham because it is frequently made in mountain regions where cold winters and hot summers contribute to the curing process. Chorizo, a spicy sausage is a Spanish creation that has become internationally popular, and Salchichon is a hard sausage similar to salami, lightly garlicky and studded with peppercorns. Salchicha is fresh pork sausage links; all this deliciousness for such a diabolical reason.

The crafty Spaniards were aware that one of the Five Pillars of Islam is that a devout Muslim is unable to consume pork. It is strictly against the Muslim faith, and one of the basic tennants of the religion. After the expulsion, it became standard practice to put some pork product in any dish in an attempt to keep the Muslims out of the country forever... they decided to keep the honey and cumin though!

Thus proving, NOBODY expects the Spanish Inquisition!! And there are no Spanish restaurants in the Middle East.

1492: COLUMBUS SAILS THE OCEAN BLUE remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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THE AFRICAN GERBER BABY

2008-02-27T03:39:37Z

Okay, a short quiz:
How fast can you match these slogans with their companies?

"I'm loving lt!" Las Vegas
"What happens here stays here." Taco Bell
"Just do it!" AT&T
"Come fly the friendly skies" All State
"The best part of waking up" Nike
"Reach out and touch someone" McDonald's
"You're in good hands" Folger's Coffee
"Think outside the bun" United Airlines

Adverstising is probably the most important job in a major corporation. Slogans are the way we are introduced to a company, and more than often, it is what makes us choose one product over another. Companies know this, and are willing to pay to get the company gimmick perpetually playing in our subconcious. In 2006, McDonald's spent about 15% of their profit letting us know we were "lovin' it" (very creative, Justin Timberlake), and it cost Burger King 20% for you to 'have it your way'.

Mottos and slogans are engrained into us even as children, and by the time we're adults we are George Costanza mindlessly humming, "By Mennon" as we walk down the street. These cute quips and clever puns influence us whether we want them to or not... even on things we don't, or shouldn't, care about. When you're in a grocery store buying paper towels, are you going to grab the 'Quicker Picker-Upper" or the off brand in a the yellow wrapper? Who cares, you ask? You do! Don't act like you don't know I'm talking about Bounty... and you know that because at least three times a day you see some idealic American mom with perfect hair happily mopping up the mess made by her adorable child with a missing front tooth.

But, when advertising goes international, these solicitous slogans sometimes don't translate quite the same. In China, Pepsi's 2000 slogan, "Pepsi- The choice of a new generation" directly translated into Cantonese as "Pepsi- Brings back your dead ancestors." The word Pinto, as in the Ford brand car, is Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals", and Frank Perdue's slogan "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken" got translated into Spanish as "It takes a hard man to make a chicken aroused".

Gerber assumed they would have no such probem, since they don't really have much of a 'slogan' to speak of. We all recognise Gerber by the angelic looking child on the label of their tiny glass jars of baby food. When they decided to break into the African market, their adorable little logo was plastered all over the jars, much to the horror of the African population. Since most Africans in rural areas are illiterate, in most cases when an item comes canned or in a jar instead of writing what it is, they simply show a picture of the contents. Imagine what they thought when they saw a jar of drab colored indiscernible gloop with a picture of a baby on the front!

Thus proving, a picture is worth a thousand words, and words are worth a million laughs when they're translated directly into another language.

THE AFRICAN GERBER BABY remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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RADIOACTIVE PIGEONS

2008-02-27T02:36:07Z

Any visitor to London should indubitably stop for a mid morning tour of Trafalgar Square. Bring a bag of crisps and a camera and you'll have one of the most unique photo opportunities in the world as you stand arms outstretched Mary Tyler Moore style beneath the statue of the famous Nelson's Column. Keep your mouth closed as hundreds, nay, THOUSANDS of pigeons swarm around you as if you were the Mary Poppins bird woman. Now permanent fixtures to the square, and perhaps it's main tourist attraction, the generally good natured pigeons come in any variety of colors and are all well fed from the offerings of the 'flocks' of tourists who come to visit them daily. Incidentally, initiatives to reduce the number of birds in the square have been met with fierce protest from both private citizens and animal rights groups.

Affectionately, or not, referred to by the locals as 'rats with wings', the pigeon population in London has been out of control for some time now in the city. Originally brought from their dwellings on the side of cliffs and domesticated for food, the pigeons have now officially joined the city populace. They can be seen resting on buildings and fences, wandering sidewalks for scraps, and apparently taking undue advantage of city services.

It is a well known fact for Londoners that their pigeons frequent the tubes. They can be seen casually walking in to cars, waiting patiently for their specific stop, and then departing at their allotted station. Unusual anomalies to this trend have been reported, such as pigeons who EVERY DAY catch the District Line at Edgeware Road and depart at Paddington. They were not, however, ever observed catching the train back.

The humans seem more entertained by the experience than the pigeons do, and everyone to witness a passenger pigeon has the same statement, "It was as if they knew exactly where they were going!"

And speaking of 'going', the migratory menaces are causing more trouble than simply upsetting some workers on their morning commute. According to The Independent, in 1998 the British government issued an unprecedented ban on handling or eating pigeons found within 10 miles of the Sellafield nuclear reprocessing plant because of fears that the pigeons were radioactive.

The notice was issued by the Ministry for Agriculture, Fisheries and Food, after batches of more than 150 culled local pigeons were found to have high levels of radiation contamination. The birds had been tested by British Nuclear Fuels (BNFL) scientists after suspicions by an inspector from the Royal Society for the Protection of Animals.

From one thing comes the other, and the excrement the pigeons are leaving in large amounts all over London is causing the city of London to become radioactive!

The poop may be harmful in and of itself though, without the help of man made nuclear waste. According to ornithologists, pigeon poop is the explanation behind the deformed feet of pigeons seen all over London's undergrounds. Their feces actually rots their feet. It is what scientists refer to as an 'evolutionary dead end'.

Thus proving, a pigeon may not be able to pay full fare, but they always leave a deposit!

RADIOACTIVE PIGEONS remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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THE C.E.S.

2008-02-27T02:31:55Z

Anyone who has been to Singapore can't help but notice how clean the city is. It's the only city in the world where the mass transit system would pass a white glove inspection. Anyone who's been to Singapore also couldn't help but notice the rather imposing list of local laws that are posted spurradically throughout the city. In fact, the local merchants have cashed in on the sometimes strange laws with brightly colored T-shirts proclaiming Singapore a 'fine' city (pun intended) and the listing the various infractions and their montetary penalities:

Spitting in public: S$1,000

Picking widlflowers: S$500

Not flushing a public toilet: S$500

Importing Chewing Gum: S$10,000

Chewing gum in public: S$200

Durian fruit on the MRT- the subway: S$500 (Durian is a tropical fruit that allegedly is quite delicious, but has an awful stench from several yards away)

These are just a few of the more interesting ones. Oral sex is also illegal in the country, and people have been charged when an ex lover turned them in. The sentence for attempting to bring any drug into Singapore is death.

Punishment is doled out often by caning, where the prisoner is struck on the backside with a bamboo stick. Many of us remember the case of Michael Faye, the American boy who vandalized cars and stole street signs. He was caught, and received 13 strikes with a bamboo stick on his bare behind. The American government attempted to (somewhat) intercede, but the punishment was carried out. Ignorance is not an excuse in Singapore. Foreigners are subject to same laws as the locals.

There is also a law against feeding stray animals, which extends to wild birds. This story was told to me by an acquaintence. Unfortunately, I was not lucky enough to witness this one: One day, while my friend was walking down a sidewalk in Singapore an unmarked black van pulled off the road. A man in a military looking uniform got out holding an air rifle. Shocked, my friend stopped in his tracks as the man took aim and fired into the bushes several times. My friend asked what he was doing, and the man explained it was his job to 'eliminate crows'. With that, he got back in the van and went on his way.

My friend immediately came home, anxious to share this new found bit of Singaporean culture. We all got a good laugh and immediately dubbed this salient group of clandestine operatives the "CES" (Crow Elimination Squad).

Thus proving that Singapore is a 'FINE' city... just not for crows!

THE C.E.S. remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT

2008-02-27T02:28:27Z

A Mid-East market place is probably one of the most interesting places you could ever visit. The sites, sounds, and smells are intoxicating, and the general atmsphere is one of frenzied chaos and interminable haggling.

Falling in among the flocks of shoppers, you meander past manic merchants screaming prices and listing their wares, in case you may have missed them. Ambiguous women in chadors brush past chattering in Arabic bumping and pushing to examine their future purchases. Merchants grab your arm to usher you into their shops, and the entire concept of personal space becomes a luxury.

In the air, the pungent smell of spiced shwarma meat permeates mingling with the thick smoke of the sheesha. The delicate scent of cardemon infused coffee wafting from the shops where luxorious brighly colored pillows and stools provide a haven for haggling. The sights, sounds, and smells all let you know you're in the ultimate sensory culture.

One day, walking through the 'balad' or market, in Amman, Jordan I saw an argument that reached the height of rudeness, at least for the Middle East. A woman clad completely in black, only revealing her blazing eyes was obviously in a heated discussion with a merchant. The woman was apparantly unsatisfied with her purchase, and was attempting to get remuneration. The merchant was refusing, and as the woman raised her voice, he raised his also. The argument grew quite animated with both parties waving arms, gesturing wildly with the woman attempting to push the merchendise back into the merchant's hands. Back and forth they went, until finally the merchant apparantly got the better of her. Angrily, the woman threw down the defective merchendise and stormed off down the aisle of the market. The haughty merchant watched her go, pleased to have gotten the upper hand.

When the woman got to the end of the aisle, she turned back and locked eyes with the merchant for the last time. Brazenly, she then delivered the ultimate Arab insult; she kicked off her sandal and raised her leg, showing the merchant the sole of her foot. The merchant screamed something in Arabic and started after her, but the woman had retrieved her sandal and disappeared around the corner and into the crowd.

Thus proving that a man may think he's got the upper hand, but the woman always has the upper foot!

FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY FOOT remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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CHRISTMAS IN JULY IN SHANGHAI

2008-02-27T02:27:13Z

Shanghai is one of the most exciting and cosmoplitan cities in Asia. It is cutting edge and modern, with the bright lights and trendy clubs that China's big cities are famous for. But, when the fog rolls in and the ships are shining in the harbour there's an unmistakable feeling of the 1920's, when opium was the local past time and the sun still hadn't set on the British Empire. Being in Shanghai at night is like stepping back to the time where spies lurked in trenchcoats and 'the blue dog barked at midnight'. The only reminder you're still in 2007 is this seasons Farigamo loafer's in a window display.

With all the elegance and mystique of the atmosphere, one could almost find colonialism charming. And, for those who prefer to sugar coat rampant dibilitating drug use and esbionage, here is one of the more endearing surviving customs from British imperialism...

Shanghai is full of designer show rooms, but far more interesting to the average tourist are the tiny local shops dusty and full of nicknacks; some identifiable, some not. The locals are very welcoming, and even though they speak no English, they will find a way to haggle on any item. Not for sale, however, are the Santa Claus cutouts, christmas lights, and ornaments that adorn the windows of these tiny shops year round. Not soon after noticing the seasons greetings, tourists will notice the incessant christmas carols being played ad nauseum in the background. Sure, it's colorful and cheerful, and Chinese have a great fondness for the color red... but surely there's more to it than this. Superstition? Good cheer? Kris Kringle's resemblence to a hairy Buddha?

Sadly, it's the same reason we see the fastastic Yultide displays in the poshest of Western malls as soon as it dips below 65 degrees. It's a marketing campaign.

During the 1920's, when the British ran the city, they obviously frequented the more westernized, therefore more affluent establishments. Catering to their Western clientele the exclusive bars and stores would decorate for Christmas. To a chinese merchant who knows nothing of Christ, christmas equaled money. So, the merchants began to decorate for the holidays in hopes of enticing British patrons and adding an aire of sophistication to their shops. And, twelve months of affluence beats two or three, so the decorations became a permanent fixture.

Thus proving that holidays may be vastly different, but capitalism is the same the world over.

CHRISTMAS IN JULY IN SHANGHAI remains copyright of the author Erica32145, a member of the travel community Travellerspoint.

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